Seeing as the forecast for the day was a lovely 37 degrees, the daily comp was shortened to a 9 hole event. It had something to do with OH&S (we’re playing golf, for fuck’s sake!!).
The morning starts with Donny saying how he has to leave so he can do the scoreboard at the cricket.
“Who the fuck cares?” says Chris. And so starts the round!
Stableford
(Multiplication Stableford)
Teams; Donny and Wags. Chris and Gary.
Hole 10 (Par 5)
As usual Wags’ drive goes down the fairway (nearly), Donny, Chris and Gary are in the trees, (situation normal). Wags gets a birdie. (FFKGC folklore says, get birdie on first hole, get lots at end!!!!)
Hole 11 (Par 3)
One to the left, one in the bunker and two to the right. (Sit Norm)
Gary gets three points and wins the honour, (“You blokes are Shit!”).
Hole 12 (Par 5)
“This is my worst hole on the golf course,” says Donny.
“That’s because the corner is too far for you to reach with your drive, which puts to much pressure on your second, third, fourth, fifth, etc, etc shots,” says Gary.
Hole 13 (Par 4)
Everyone but Gary has hooked their drive left into the trees. (What the hell’s going on?)
Hole 14 (Par 4)
“Chris, can you see those red things on the ground 50 metres away? Well, they’re the Ladies’ Tee. Your Shout!”
Hole 15 (Par 4)
“AAAHHH Chris?? That’s the 16th tee!!”
Donny has run out of fairway. (What’s the world coming to??).
Hole 16 (Par 4)
Fuck all happened. Everyone played a straight bat. (Back to the cricket again!)
Hole 17 (Par 3)
Two on the green. (Chris and Wags know how to spoil a good game!!)
Hole 18 (Par 4)
Gary’s longest drive on this hole ever and into the wind. (What the fuck!?!!!)
Hole 1 (Par 5)
The big Eucalyptus (“That’s the gum tree, Donny!”) on the righthand corner of the hole is 250 metres from the tee, and Chris has hit his ball past the tree and on the fairway. Wags is on the fairway (again!), Gary has hooked his next to the green, (on the East course, oops) and Donny is in trouble in the trees on the right.
“Why don’t you hit it straight?” says Chris to Donny (in a Hartlepool accent).
Hole 2 (Par 4)
Gary has hit his drive over the trees through the fairway and into the greenside bunker. Another best shot for him.
“Fucking 24 handicapper my arse!!” Says Chris.
Gary gets a birdie and therefore wins the honour. (You blokes are Shit!! - again).
Hole 3 (Par 3)
Nothing much happens again. (Back to the cricket - again!)
Hole 4 (Par 4)
“Chris, you have been looking for 10 minutes - the fucking thing is lost.”
Hole 5 (Par 4)
This is getting boring. (Just like Donny’s cricket).
Hole 6 (Par 3)
“That’s a foocking shame,” says Donny to Wags when he sees that it looks like Chris and Gary are in the bunker on the right.
Wags hits the top of a dead tree and goes out of bounds! (What? Wags out of bounds??)
Donny hooks his into the left bunker.
“What a fucking shame,” chortle Chris and Gary when it becomes obvious that their balls haven’t gone into the bunker.
Hole 7 (Par 4)
Wags has hooked it straight over the fence and out of bounds - again. (What was that FFKGC folklore again??)
Gary hooks his into the water and says to Chris “That will be on the path.” He also said that he has as much chance of the ball staying on the path as he has of winning Tattslotto tonight. (Note to self - buy Tattslotto ticket.... ball on the path!).
Hole 8 (Par 5)
Chris says to Wags, who kept telling us that no sleep wasn’t helping his game, “I’m gonna have to get on to Facebook and tell Josh to stay out late more often - then we’ve got a better chance of beating you!”
“Gary, this hole is long enough and up hill enough without playing Army golf!!” (Left, right, left, right...)
Chris mentions something about sore shoulders. Funny, Donny says the same thing to Wags (something about carrying them or such like....??).
Hole 9 (Par 4)
“That’s my best tee shot ever on this hole,” says Donny. (So how come it’s under a big bushy tree?).
Gary has hit the green with his second hit. (Too bad it’s the 18th green which is 50 metres behind the 9th).
(Thank fuck that’s over.)
Results
Yours in bad golf, Gary
No comments:
Post a Comment